its okay

"I might be stumbling a little on my way out, but i'm walking away... I'm moving on."

sometimes its okay to walk away... and to know that you can and will be happy again.

That's When I Love You

Hello hope everyone is doing well and keeping warm. Its is very cold here is Mo. By thursday it is suppose to be 12* berrrrrr... i do not like the cold at all and cannot wait for summer to return.

I have had a lot of things on my mind some of which I would like to share with you:

1. It's 2009 and every year people say they are going to do this and that to change and its starts out well and then by feb we are back in out old ways. i totally get it i do it year after year and every year i say this year is going to be diffrent... and it always ends the same way. so i've heard it takes 6-8 weeks for someone to get in the routine of a change. so ive been in a cast for almost 6 weeks and i have "the broken foot routine" down to a science so it can't be that hard right? so after the cast comes off i have to work harder on my goals because if i can do this then everything else can't be that hard. i don't need to lose weight or stop smoking or drinking i just want to get in shape and stay that way for my health for MY HEART! and if im going to be a nurse i'm going to need to beable to move fast!!!!
2. Kirbie Nicole my angel there is not a day that goes by that i do not think of her smiling, happy, loving person that she was and in my heart still is. Kirbie taught everyone she met about life and that in order to be happy in life you just needed to say yes with whatever came to you and show that you were a bigger person then anything that happend to you. and she did that well. being a person who had open heart surgery and other health issues i to felt that same well to fight that she taught so many. see i want to be a nurse and take care of kids like us. the ones who have broken hearts... people always ask me how can you work with sick kids? and my reply "its a joy to be with kids because they know nothing but to fight, they don't know what they will miss or what comes next. they just have a well to fight to keep going" you see being a kid and being sick all we ever wanted was to get better so that our parents could be happy again and stop crying because we felt ok and therefore it WOULD be OKAY.
3. people from work.... havn't been there is a week and i feel like i am missing so much. like they will move forward without me and it will be so diffrent when i get back. but i know deep down thats not all true and i have talked to some people and it is so not true in fact they say that co-workers often ask about me and hope that i return soon because they miss my happienss to be there.. that helps give me the strength that i will need to heal and get back to work. then i think about one person from work that i often ponder and wounder will he ever change? you see he's nice when he wants to be and mean has hell the next. i know we have a love/hate relationship but why can't we just get along all the time and why must i always be the bigger person? he seems upset when i talk to some of the doctors and other male nurses but then when i try to be nice to him hes rude. i had surgery on my foot and i was on our floor and he was sweet as can be and felt bad and all that jazz but i don't want people to feel bad for me i decided to have the surgery. oh well i just need to figure out how to read him. people tell me i read like a book and i wish he did the same.
4. last but least i have this song that i can not get out of my head and it is the title of this post and i would like to share the words... so here they are..

When you have to look away
When you dont have much to say
Thats when I love you
I love you, just that way
To hear you stumble when you speak
Or see you walk with two left feet
Thats when I love you
I love you, endlessly
And when your mad cuz you lost a game
Forget Im waiting in the rain
Baby i love you,
I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
WhenI love you no matter what
So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie it made you cry
Thats when I love you
I love you a little more each time
And when you cant quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
Thats when I love you
I love you, more than youll know
And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you get when you show up late
Baby I love you, I love you anyway
Heres my promise made tonight
You can count "on" me for life
Thats when i love you
When nothing you do can change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
Thats when I love you
When nothing baby
Nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn, The more I love
The more my heart cant get enough
Thats when I love you,
When I love you no matter what
No matter what

As so its already back to normal days....

I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas. ours was very good my sibblings and i had way to much fun with all our new toys! it was good to see the family esp having 2 new baby cousins! its also great because my one cousin was away and will be for about 4-5 more years for med school and he was home! he is so mcuh fun to talk to and be around so it was great getting to be with him and hearing his stories. although times not very exciting and gross it was still fun.

on december 4th i had foot surgery so sience then and for about another 4-5 weeks i will be on crutches... although it is not fun and sure does make me tired it is going to make my foot feel better and hopfully keep it from fracturing... maybe when all is said and doen i will get some before and after pictures posted. another good thing about foot surgery is being off of work for along period of time although i am getting very tired of being at home and not being able to do anything for myself. but that will change in due time. have a great weekend.

thanks for all the post and reading of my rambelings.

love and prayers always.

Twas the night Before Christmas...

As we wrap our last presents, put the last trimmings on the tree may we remember the true meaning of the season. Without the birth of Jesus there would be no Christmas there would be no celebrating. You see Jesus is the reason for the season he is the one we all need to remember this holiday. When you go to text you'r family and friends or even email them lets take the extra time to spell out CHRISTmas instead of taking the fast way and saying xmas. For since Jesus Christ is the reason lest with every one a Merry Christmas!!!!!

As I sit here to write I come with a very heavey heart as a very special girl named Kirbie passed away September 1st of a failing heart. She had, had a heart transplant about a year and a half prior to her death but it failed her. it went from a perfect working heart to killing her without any notice. and as we get ready for Christmas I am sad for her family as she is not there in flesh to be with them. Knowing that it is there first Christmas without there daughter, sister, cousin, niece, grandaughter, and friend it brings me to tears. Kirbie was a beautiful, fun loveing person to be with. Although she had a rough go at life she was happy and always willing to fight. In fact she fought for almost 18 days before she died. But, as her family and so many of us learned even a fighter needs rest. Kirbie will always be in the hearts of all those who knew her and we all have set out goals for ourselves in memory of her. And we all try day to day to live Kirbiestrong as she tought so many of us its not what you have but how you take what you have and make the most out of life to touch the lives around you. I will never forget the little girl and she will forever be with me and part of my job is to share her with everyone! I just ask that all those who read this say a little prayer for her and her family this Christmas. Its going to be hard but though God they will get though.

I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

It's Been Way to Long...

I hope that this blog finds everyone well and in good spirits. As the holiday season is upon us! I am not real sure why it has been sooo long since I wrote last but it is good to be back! As this was a great way to not only share but to reflect on my life and then things that happen.

"You can't blame yourself. Some people are just broken. I guess you just try not to care too much and you can't be disappointed."

As before when I use to write I like to use quotes to help guide my writing and maybe some how reach out to others! This quote above is from the show Grey's Anatomy one of my favorite shows to watch. As I read this quote I do see some truth in it. But, sometimes it does not matter how much you try not to care for someone or somthing you can't help it. They have done somthing to you to make you want to care for them. It's like they hold a special place in your heart and maybe just maybe if your lucky you'll always care and from that you will become a stronger person. Form this you learn that love hurts but, if it didn't hurt then that means you never really ever cared in the first place. You see i think it is far better to care and love and be hurt then to be all alone.

Well just something to think about.

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and I will try to write alot more often as I have a lot to write about since I have been gone from this site for way to long! love and prayers always!